Now I see this clearly. My whole life is pointed in one direction. There never has been a choice for me.
Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man.
In Vegas, everybody's gotta watch everybody else. Since the players are looking to beat the casino, the dealers are watching the players. The box men are watching the dealers. The floor men are watching the box men. The pit bosses are watching the floor men. The shift bosses are watching the pit bosses. The casino manager is watching the shift bosses. I'm watching the casino manager. And the eye-in-the-sky is watching us all.
Listen to me very carefully. There are three ways of doing things around here: the right way, the wrong way, and the way that I do it. You understand?
Each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat. Some nights, I clean off the blood.
June twenty-ninth. I gotta get in shape. Too much sitting has ruined my body. Too much abuse has gone on for too long. From now on there will be 50 pushups each morning, 50 pullups. There will be no more pills, no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From now on will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight.
This guy could fuck up a cup of coffee.
I lost control? Look at you, you're fucking walking around like John Barrymore! A fucking pink robe and a fucking cigarette holder? I lost control?