Right after I got here I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.
I'm not mad, I'm proud of you. You took your first pinch like a man and you learn two great things in your life. Look at me, never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut.
It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about.
Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.
Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die.
One day some of the kids from the neighborhood carried my mother's groceries all the way home. You know why? It was outta respect.
For a second I thought I was dead. But, when I heard all the noise, I knew they were cops. Only cops talk that way. If they'd been wiseguys, I wouldn't have heard a thing. I would've been dead.