You just fulfilled the first rule of law enforcement: make sure when your shift is over you go home alive. Here endeth the lesson.
Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.
Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die.
- Word is they're going to repeal Prohibition. What'll you do then?
- I think I'll have a drink.
If you're afraid of getting a rotten apple, don't go to the barrel. Get it off the tree.
It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about.