Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out.
I'm not mad, I'm proud of you. You took your first pinch like a man and you learn two great things in your life. Look at me, never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut.
Right after I got here I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.
Dear Dad, you always told me that an honest man has nothing to fear, so I'm trying my best not to be afraid.
One day some of the kids from the neighborhood carried my mother's groceries all the way home. You know why? It was outta respect.
- Hey... You should fold it.
- That note. It's a fake, right? You should fold it.
- It's... It's a note from my mom. I have a doctor's appointment.
- Yeah, but there's no crease in the paper. When your mom hands you a note to miss school, the first thing you do is, you fold it and you put it in your pocket. I mean, if it's real, where's the crease?
How did you cheat on the bar exam in Louisiana?
For a second I thought I was dead. But, when I heard all the noise, I knew they were cops. Only cops talk that way. If they'd been wiseguys, I wouldn't have heard a thing. I would've been dead.