It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about.
Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out.
Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.
How did you cheat on the bar exam in Louisiana?
- Hey... You should fold it.
- That note. It's a fake, right? You should fold it.
- It's... It's a note from my mom. I have a doctor's appointment.
- Yeah, but there's no crease in the paper. When your mom hands you a note to miss school, the first thing you do is, you fold it and you put it in your pocket. I mean, if it's real, where's the crease?
Dear Dad, you always told me that an honest man has nothing to fear, so I'm trying my best not to be afraid.
Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die.